Valentine's Day Sucker
by Risknight
Summary: This isn't your typical sappy Valentine's Day story. In fact, this one is kind of ...logical. Enjoy!


**I'm a sucker for the holiday stories.**

* * *

Penny bounced into 4A without knocking just like she had almost every day since meeting the guys. Howard, Raj and Leonard were scrunched up on the couch, making sure to keep out of Sheldon's spot, looking disgruntled. Alex, Amy and Bernadette were sitting on chairs beside the couch, looking bored. Three white boards covered by sheets were positioned around the room.

Sheldon appeared in the hallway. "The meeting has not yet begun, Penny. Please have a seat."

Penny quirked an eyebrow and jauntily sat in his spot beside Raj. Everyone was shocked when he simply turned to stand in front of the white boards and pulled out a laser pointer.

"Welcome, dear friends, to this meeting," Sheldon said formally. "I have called you all together to discuss something of great importance. Now, while it does not directly affect Bernadette or Howard, you both are part of this group and should be included in the proceedings." He looked at the blonde in his spot. "According to Penny, anyway," he muttered.

"Sheldon, what is this about?" Amy asked primly. "We are supposed to have date night tonight, and instead you call a group meeting?"

"Correct," Sheldon said blandly. "Well, the reason for this meeting is simple. We are not paired up correctly, and it is time to make some changes."

Several jaws dropped and Leonard sputtered loudly.

"What the frak are you talking about?" Howard managed to finally ask.

"Like I said, this does not concern you and Bernadette, per se, but the rest of us are paired romantically in an illogical manner," Sheldon said calmly. He pulled the sheets from the white boards and stepped back.

Board one read **Sheldon Cooper Ph.D. and Penelope Queen. **Underneath were two columns, pros and cons.

**CONS**

She is chaotic and I have strict rules.

**PROS**

We are best friends.

We take care of each other when we are sick.

Penny is the only person I am comfortable touching.

I am the one Penny relies on.

We fill in each other's weaknesses.

Board two read **Rajesh Koothrappali and Amy Farrah Fowler.**

**CONS**

Rajesh's parents want him to marry within his religious background.

**PROS**

They both desire intimacy.

Amy has a professional understanding of Raj's mutism.

Raj has an appreciation of Amy's work.

They both have romantic natures.

The third board said **Leonard Hofstadter and Alex Jensen.**

**CONS**

Alex is a student, and Leonard is a faculty member.

**PROS**

Mutual attraction.

Similar interests professionally.

Alex is intelligent and attractive, per Leonard's preferences.

"What the hell is this?" Leonard asked standing up quickly.

Sheldon clasped his hands behind his back. "Isn't it obvious? As we are currently paired up, we are all unhappy to a degree. Amy wants more intimacy than I am comfortable giving her. Raj is lonely and alone. You are always jealous and mad. Penny is depressed and drinking. Amy is frustrated and angry. Alex is lonely and heartbroken. The obvious solution is to rearrange our relationships to the most optimal pairings."

"Have you lost your mind?" Amy demanded. She waved a hand between Penny and Sheldon. "Tell him, Penny!"

"Actually, I agree with Sheldon," Penny said calmly. Everyone looked at her with shock, except Sheldon, who looked at her confidently. Penny stood up and moved to stand beside Sheldon. "The fact is, Sheldon and I are both unhappy. Leonard and Amy, if you are honest, you are both unhappy, too. After talking about it over the last few weeks, Sheldon and I realized something. We like each other. A lot. Amy, you and Raj have always gotten along so well. Leonard, you like having Alex attracted to you, because you are attracted to her."

"What about love?" Bernadette asked worriedly. "You and Sheldon sound like romance is some sort of business deal."

"On the contrary," Sheldon said. "We may love each other, but in all honesty, none of us are IN love with our significant other. If we were, we would not fight so hard against the bonds of our relationships."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Leonard yelled. "I'm not fighting anything!"

"What about my friends?" Penny asked softly. "You hate me having anyone outside this group in my life. You don't like me doing anything or going anywhere without you to keep an eye on me."

"Have you seen the way those guys look at you?" he demanded.

"You act like I'm a compliment away from cheating on you," Penny accused softly. "You don't trust me, and I've never given you any reason to think that."

"So I can't be worried about the meatheads who want you?" he yelled.

"It doesn't matter how they look at me, or if they want me," Penny argued softly. "What should matter is that I was with you willingly. I was faithful to you. And you never trusted me."

"Was?" Alex said.

Penny sat down on the coffee table and faced everyone. "Look, I know how this all sounds," she said softly. "But if you think about it, really consider these boards and what they say, maybe you'll see what Sheldon and I see."

"We," Sheldon said, sitting down beside Penny, "as a group, were happier before we tried to force ourselves to settle for what our friends and romantic partners wanted. Can anyone beside Bernadette and Howard say they are truly happy with how their relationship or lack thereof is progressing?"

"So, you just want to rearrange things to suit you?!" Leonard snarled.

"No," Penny corrected. "We want to rearrange things to suit everyone's needs. We all love one another, right?" Slowly everyone nodded. "Then think about this," she asked. "Just give it serious, open minded consideration. Then we can all decide whether we want to pursue this or not."

Sheldon stood and pulled Penny to her feet. "We will go for a walk. We'll return in two hours."

They walked out of the apartment, and everyone looked at each other with shock. "Have they lost their mind?!" Howard asked shrilly.

Alex nibbled at her lips and approached the first board. "Maybe. Maybe not. Did any of you actually look at this?"

Amy snorted. "We all know why you are interested in this plan," she scoffed. "Stay out of it!"

Bernadette walked over to stand by Alex. Slowly her eyes widened as she looked at all three boards carefully. "Wow," she said softly.

"What is it?" Leonard asked. He was set against all of this, but he couldn't quite ignore the curiosity he felt at Bernadette's tone.

He studied the boards for several minutes before he began to see it, too. "Whoa."

Amy approached suspiciously. Leonard pointed to a single sentence and Amy read it with a heavy heart. _Penny is the only person I am comfortable touching._ Amy's mouth went dry. "He loves her," she whispered.

A tap on her shoulder made Amy turn. Instantly her mouth was captured in a searing kiss. Her eyes fluttered closed and her knees trembled. When he pulled away, Raj smiled with satisfaction. "I like you, Amy," he said, much to everyone's surprise. "And I think they are right. We could be happy together. So, what do you say? Do you want to keep trying to change Sheldon hoping that he'll eventually want you, or do you date someone who really does want to be with you?"

Amy looked at him with a mix of confusion and hope. "You want me?"

Raj nodded and tangled his hands in her hair. "I have for a very long time. Take a chance, Amy. Date me."

She smiled shyly and nodded. "Okay," she whispered. Raj pulled her against his chest and kissed her until her toes curled up.

Alex looked at Leonard hopefully. "What about you?"

He stared at the whiteboards for a few more seconds. "He did this for all of us," Leonard breathed softly. Leonard gestured to the white boards with awe and pain. "I can't believe this. Sheldon is the most selfish person _any_ of us have ever met," Leonard said softly. "But this …He's in love with Penny and he wants to make sure we are ALL happy."

"This may just be the most unselfish thing Sheldon has ever done," Amy said, looking over at the group.

"So what are you going to do?" Alex asked.

Leonard looked at her carefully. "I love Penny. But if I'm honest," he said reluctantly, "they're right. Penny and I are both unhappy."

Alex touched his arm lightly. "And what about their suggestion about me and you?"

Leonard smiled at her a bit wryly. "Who am I to argue with genius?"

* * *

Penny and Sheldon walked down the sidewalk, hand in hand. She looked up at him with a smile. "So, will they agree with us?"

Sheldon pulled her to a stop and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. "Penny. Penny. Penny. I am destined to unveil the mysteries of the universe. Fixing a small problem like our relationships is child's play. I worked in all the variables to my equations. I am confident that by the time we return, our group will have re-arranged themselves."

"I love a brainy guy," she laughed.

Sheldon smiled shyly. "Good. Because this brainy guy loves a cornhusker."

Mindless of the crowded sidewalk, they wrapped their arms around each other and kissed tenderly.

**Happy Valentines Day. **

**;)**


End file.
